Free Thoughts Ahead!

Okay, okay!!  I get it!  This week (or month) apparently is about me reconnecting with people.  About taking gambles and chances instead of falling into the seductive trap of routine and ruts.  Heavens and Names knows it only took a couple weeks to pound it into my head, but I think I finally get it.

As some of you know, a former exchange student that my family hosted (I'll call her E) came back to the States for a nearly month-long visit, which I've been thrilled and excited about for ages now!  Yesterday a lot of things fell into place to allow me to reconnect with her and catch up after many years apart.  First my current "job" told me it'd been so slow I didn't need to come into work for my 6-close scheduled shift.  I got a new job at another food-joint I've worked at before (at a different franchise location), which allowed me better pay and more hours and stuff...  But I digress.

Hubby and I went out to dinner with my Dad and Little Brother, and of course E.  It was a wonderful treat to not only have such great food, but also to share such a fun night retelling fun stories, hearing new ones (both from her and her hearing ours), and just in general getting to relax and celebrate so many wonderful things happening in one day.

Today I got a text message from a friend (Snow) whose wedding I attended recently.  He invited me to the bowling event the local furry group has every week.  A small flurry of texts between me, him, and Hubby later, I got a carpool ride arranged and get to hang out with him and his wife, before going bowling!  Some of these folks I know (a few), most I don't.

As I sit and wait for him to snag me from campus, working on this post, I got to thinking about how the new month is almost here on the traditional calender, and has just started on the religious one.  I decided I'd slacked off long enough.  So now, included in my family and friends reconnection is a reconnection to my religion.  I've been adrift too long without getting to worship and revel in the presence of the Names during Senut.  Yes, They're always with me--but there is something truly special and amazing about Senut, something no common-day event can replace.

I also decided--after several clue-by-fours in close succession to the head--in the spirit of reconnection and Djehuty's year of DO-ing, I would write my monthly goals down and do my best to reach them.  They are already in my student planner, and I will repeat them here.

• Re-purify all my Senut "tools"
• Find an appropriate and usable space for Senut and Shrine(s)
• Perform Senut at least two times a week
• Offer at least once a week to both Akhu and Names
• Take part in more festivals (as I can afford/perform well)

I also intend to work more on my divination and tarot readings--I feel like perhaps, as I use magic and perform heka, that perhaps it will help me connect with the still-mysterious member of my line-up, Aset-Serquet.  I've had a real drive lately to learn other divination skills as well, and I plan to talk to Fedw diviners and/or Hemet about what kind of steps I'd need to take to do such a thing.

Another minor goal I have is to try to write here more often like this--Simple Prayers are nice, but sometimes putting down a good meaty post is a great way to rejuvenate oneself.

So there you are, dear readers.  My goals for the next month (or few).  If you see me slacking on some, do feel free to give me a cuffing about :P

Senebty and blessings,

Tahotepirty
(Peace of the Two Eyes)

Oy I'm bad about this blog lately :/  I really need to make it a weekly thing in my schedule or something...

Will try to post more often!

Today I:
Endured a supremely frustrating day full of head-cold issues and downed servers preventing me from doing my homework or even resting quietly at home (can't skip class!).

I Pray:
To Yinepu, Weigher of Righteousness, help me be patient when things are not going my way.
To Hethert, She Who's face shines without anger, give me comfort and sleep.
To Nefertem, He Who is Beautiful, give me healing and health, that I can better focus on my work as a student.

Just a quick little note that yes, I survived the first part of the move, and I'm now in Wichita, KS.  I'll probably still be more or less absent for a few days, but I'm around.  The whole saga in cliff-note form is on my LJ for those who want to read about the harrowing trip...Going out to lunch with a friend of mine today, and maybe a couple other fun, frivilous things to relax :)  Maybe I'll con Hubby into taking me to a bookstore so I can get something new to read :D

As the latest year (Kemetic-wise) draws to a close, I find myself pondering over the draining experience it seemed to be overall. 

The start of it (August 2008) was already stressful and tense, as Hubby struggled to find a post-graduation job and I struggled to find us a good place to live, as well as pack up the apartment.  It turned out we were under 48 hours from being technically homeless when we finally got something worked out.  We had to call in the reserves (read: our families) to help in the scramble to get out of our apartment in the Little Apple.  Somehow we managed it with 5 minutes to spare before our check-out time rolled in.  We had items scattered in so many areas.  Some of it was in Hillsboro, with his family.  Some was in Wichita in my parent's house, and the rest was in a storage shed in Benton.

Then we moved to Ulysses, KS.  A town of about 5K people and probably 5 times as many stock animals, a town containing at least 8 different hair salons and a similar number of denominations of churches ranging from Catholic to Protestant to Baptist, and even Mormon and one non-denominational Christian one.

My Mom was convinced it would bring Hubby and I closer together, since we wouldn't have all the other stuff of our past life to distract us.  Things like school and friends and stuff like that.  On the surface I can kind of see what she was hoping for, but I didn't put much stock in it.

Alex started work a few days after we got out to Ulysses, but I didn't have anything.  In a town like this, older and full of older, well-established workers, it's often hard to find a job not involving farm work (which I had no desire to do for multiple reasons, the main two being distance and lack of ability to speak Spanish).  It took until nearly November to find even a part-time job.  By the time that happened, another bad instance had occured.

In September, my paternal grandfather died--I still feel horribly sad and guilty that I never got to visit him before he died--I should have gone up to visit him and Gramma Dee and not worried about the cost.  Hindsight, all that...

At the end of October, I made plans to travel with Dad out to Nevada to help him pack up the remaining things in Grandpa's house, seperating things to be sold/given away from things to be distributed amongst the family.  Very tough time for Dad, but it was nice to get to see some of my family history, and spend some time with Dad, who is sometimes hard to pin down...

Most of the time there wasn't much excitement out here.  There's just not anything to do in this town--unless you like bowling or going to seedy Mexican bars...

Unfortunately living out here seems to have had the opposite effect that we wanted.  Since moving out here it seems like Hubby and I have fought twice as much.  Hubby agreed with this--his brain, left idle, is a bad thing at times.  Especially when it sees odd, but totally innocent things.  Without the distractions of school and those stresses, it instead turns inward and picks and festers until it drives him (and me) insane.

Not only have we fought more, but it seems like longer.

Now, as we prepare to move and try to pack our lives into little boxes, once more uprooting ourselves (for the 6th time in as many years), that stress and tension boils over everywhere, and I just can't find all the little shreds of isfet in my life in order to get rid of it...

Honestly, I'm not going to miss this place.  I'm looking forward to having the "distractions" of school and having to juggle multiple facets of life, because it seems to keep the peace in the house.  I'll miss the people, and I'll miss the dry weather--but I'm sure as hell not going to miss the nights of mind-numbing boredom where the only way to keep from going insane is to walk around town aimlessly.

On top of this was arguments and tension over religious differences.  Hopefully these are semi-dealt with now, and seem to be under a semi-decent truce.

Drama and tension, both in-House and out, seems to be the overriding theme of this past year.  I'm ready to be shed of it and to welcome the new (and hopefully healing) year with open arms.  Let us hope this year I can better live up to the meaning of my name...

From your spiritually, mentally, and physically exhausted writer,



Tahotepirty

Just wanted to post a loud and joyous Nekhtet for all NINE (!!!) newly named Shemsu that participated in the naming ceremony tonight.

Tonight was the second part of our Heka chat with the Nisut (AUS).  Week one, we were to record our thoughts throughout the day, no real theme involved, just write them down.  At the end of the week, sit down and look over them--see if there are any common threads or issues that show up.  I remembered most the time, so my record was a little spotty, but I still found a core issue.

I feel frustrated!  Not because of the House, the religion, or anything like that.  I feel cornered and on edge because I'm a pagan in a strictly Christian area (5K people and about every form of Christian you can get from Catholic to Mormon to Baptists).  There is one other person I know of who likes Earth-Centered religions like Wicca and such, but I only get to see her once a week at work...

A lot of my entries on my homework were thoughts about the rigidity and close-mindedness of my surrounding community.  Everywhere in this town are Christian Churches.  Not a single mosque, temple, or even multi-faith building to be seen.  If it has to do with religion, it's a Christian sect.  A lot of the people here were probably raised Christian with no idea of alternative faiths, or even the desire to study them.  I know, because I used to be like that as a kid/teenager.

So a lot of my thoughts were frustration--sometimes even anger--that they couldn't be openminded and try to see things from my veiw.  That they would talk about Non-Christians as some sort of sub-human creature that don't deserve to be included...

Honestly it pissed me off.

In week number two, we were supposed to try to change a thought pattern or loop that was causing us to create bad heka.  For me, that meant trying to meet these people with love and understanding, instead of being constantly on the defensive and feeling like I had to fight back.  In a small way it seemed to help--one person who thought initially I was just nuts decided instead I must not have been that bad after all...and that me being different isn't a bad thing.

Hemet said for part two of this exercise, I need to work on specific hekau regarding letting go of the need to care about what people who disapprove of me are thinking.  Boy, did she ever strike the heart of this issue!  For all my insistence that I don't care--I often do...and it hurts when I'm dismissed just because I believe or think differently.  This is going to be helpful, I think, regarding how I act regarding my religion and my family.  All things considered, I'd prefer they never meet.  But if they do have to (eep!), hopefully this hekau exercise will help me through that, should it happen...

Mmmm...much pondering is needed, yes!

Tahotep

Today I:
Enjoyed a wonderfully refreshing nap and had an in-dream experience with what I think was Heru of one form or another.

I Pray:
To Mighty Lord Heru, great Falcon.  Dua Heru!  Thank you for that warming and welcoming experience :D

Matthew Ebel recently posted an incredibly beautiful and moving song in honor of a friend of his who died in a motorcycle accident. It moved me to tears remembering a High School vocal technique instructor I had named Randy Christy. He was an wonderful, amazing man who lit up the hard times of my youth with encouragement and inspiration to keep singing.

As it says in the song, he was a torch among the tealights on parade.

I just wanted to share this incredibly powerful song with everyone who wanted to hear it: anyone who has ever lost a dear friend, loved one, or family member should listen to this work.

Thank you Matthew--for letting those wonderful but tough memories resurface. May you have all the comforts and blessings you desire in life.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2450688